HELP ME WITH MY WRITING! pleeassee?

I like this, but you tell too much. You should show rather than telling a bit more, i.e. instead of saying 'I pleaded, ridding myself of my playful, comical personality' you should show -how- she is comical. If she was playful, she probably would have responded to the idea of expulsion as some kind of joke, maybe laughed or something, at least at first. Overall, it's a nice piece of writing, you just need a bit more 'showing' description and you will be fine. Good luck. :)